Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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