1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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