I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
