I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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