I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
