My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize