I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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