I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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