dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
