his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
