help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
