I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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