I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I wear drunk well.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
