doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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