I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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