capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
