After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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