I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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