wrigley field is MILF paradise
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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