when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
