She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
MIDGETS
????
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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