My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
