How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
