i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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