He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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