this beer tastes like vomit already
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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