her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
