Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
