went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
