i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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