i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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