Already got asked if we're dating
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
