Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
