Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize