We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
