Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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