I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I look better un-naked...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
