Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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