man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
