Umm I'm too high to move.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
