im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
