dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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