dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
