Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
tell me about the fingering
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