you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
