im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize