I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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