You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
