I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
