you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am available for nakedness
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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