Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
