I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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