My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
