Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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