I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
