When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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