i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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