I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he puts the penis in happiness.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
