wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
