It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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