Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
