Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
