Do you still have your period?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
