Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
