honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
