mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
