At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
