mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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