She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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