YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
