is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize