I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
