I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Vodka?
Forever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
