dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
