he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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