I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
