this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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