I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
