Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
