bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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