Just cropdusted the office
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
