Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
