Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
