Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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