dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize