You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize