Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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