and you said cock pushups were impossible
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
