I looked at my own cervix.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
