That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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