Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
