Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
