I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
