I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
