You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
