I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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