Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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