Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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