So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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