I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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