fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sarcasm needs its own font
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
