census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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